Raise your hand if you struggle to make time for yourself.
…it may be time for a Yes Hiatus.
We women are incredibly hard on ourselves. Our unrealistic expectations of what we can accomplish and what we are responsible for are our worst kryptonite.
We have to learn to say no sometimes.
Last September I hit a wall. I didn’t realize I was saying yes to everything until it was all happening at once.
– My first time selling handmade goods {anywhere} at AWBU.
– Photographing a wedding.
– {Almost} singlehandedly planning a Shakespeare festival.
– Teaching an online Theatre Appreciation class.
– Prepping for Project STIR‘s unrealistic original launch date.
– Attempting to start a blogger group for my alma mater.
and…
the straw that broke the camel’s back… spontaneously agreeing to do an urban family photo shoot to get featured on a local blog {even though urban family photos aren’t really my thing…}
I found myself in full on overwhelm-mode.
But I still didn’t question the amount of projects I was working on until I was chatting to some of my friends. They were shocked at everything I was trying to juggle at one time.
That night was a real wakeup call for me.
I realized I had to stop saying yes to every opportunity that came my way. I had to give myself room to breathe or I was going to crash and burn. I couldn’t drop everything I’d already committed to, but I could stop saying yes to new things.
So I started a Yes Hiatus until February of 2015. And it was magical. I didn’t realize how many opportunities I was automatically saying yes to until I put the kibosh on it. And, yes, it was hard, but it was so worth it.
My biggest lesson was that the responses I got from saying no weren’t those I expected. I was afraid I’d hurt feelings or be looked down on or those opportunities would disappear if I didn’t grab them. But the opposite happened.
When a new friend I’d met at the blogging conference asked me to guest blog and I said no {the first no of my Yes Hiatus} I was blown away with her reaction…
“I hear ya!!! Thanks for keeping it real. And, I admire your boundaries. I’m finding I’m getting there myself!”
She was actually rooting for me. Good first step.
Then the no’s got harder. I was offered an opportunity to be January Blogger of the Month for Arkansas Women Bloggers. This was something I’d been secretly wishing for, and it was incredibly hard to turn down.
I explained my Yes Hiatus and asked if it would be possible to be Blogger of the Month later in the year. Now I’m scheduled to be ARWB of the Month in May.
{That was easy.}
This strategy really helped me keep my sanity throughout the last few months of 2015. I’d have had a complete mental breakdown if I hadn’t done it.
The added benefit of referring to it as a Yes Hiatus, which I actively called it during my experiment, is that it feels less negative than a straight no. So it can ease you into the idea of turning things down.
To be completely honest, a yes or two did slip in…
But only after initially telling myself “No” and then weighing pros & cons. I did end up flying to San Fransisco during my hiatus to see April Bowles-Olin on Creative Live. I really would have regretting passing that opportunity up and am so glad I went.
It’s been a few months since I ended my hiatus, and there are a few overarching lessons I’ve taken to heart. Tweet out your favorite!
1. Saying no isn’t the end of the world. It doesn’t always disappoint the way we imagine it will. It doesn’t make opportunities go away forever.
2. Saying no makes your yes stronger. By not spreading yourself to thin you’re able to put more energy and effort into the things you do say yes to.
3. Don’t let your automatic answer be yes. This experiment has definitely made me more aware of my tendency to take on too many projects. And it’s made my yes less automatic. Which is definitely a good thing.
When was the last time you hit overwhelm-mode? What do you think of trying a Yes Hiatus the next time it happens? Let’s chat in comments.
Cheers,
Sarah
